Nothing was really wrong in my life. I mean, I had issues crop up every few months, like we all do—an illness here, a broken appliance there. My daily schedule just never seemed to change. I juggled the kids, fit in a few hours of work, volunteered regularly, made it to church, went to a museum with the family here and there… and repeat. And repeat and repeat and repeat.
I couldn’t figure out what was bothering me so much, because when opportunities for change did pop up, I still didn’t really want to take them. I’d spent a few years sleep-deprived with a terrible sleeper, so I’d gotten in a rut of never messing up our schedule. Going out at night meant me missing out on sleep; leaving my youngest at daycare while I did something meant he might skip a nap and be cranky; doing anything out of the ordinary meant I’d have some inconvenience, and I thought that if I felt so blah ordinarily, I’d feel even worse with something extra on my plate.
One day, a friend was talking about how they’d finally finished The Office and how he felt about Pam wanting to go back and shake herself for not seeing the joy that was right in front of her—and something clicked! I was the one making my life bland, because I was too anxious to add any spice to it! Fear of fatigue or inconvenience or bad experiences had lead me to avoid the extra joys that life was trying to give me!
So—I started saying yes. I said yes to late-night dinners I had to Google Map my way to find, yes to running social media accounts for a non-profit, yes to coffee with friends, yes to daycare just so I could do things without my favorite little helper every now and then. Some things left me deeply fulfilled, like connecting with new friends. Sometimes—like when I got stage fright during a presentation—were a total bust. Somehow, it was all okay, though—because I was living life as I was meant to live it, and my children could see that they could grow up to have lots of different roles in the world—just like their mother.
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